Perfectionism: the delusional emotional virus
Who doesn’t want to be perfect? In some area of our life or the other, we all strive for it.
The perfect child, the perfect student, the perfect friend, the perfect employee, the perfect partner, the perfect parent, and the list goes on..
In my opinion, the need to be better is healthy; only when you feel happy working towards it. Unfortunately, perfectionism is a personality disorder when the same habit leaves someone trapped in a delusional world.
Adaptive Vs Maladaptive perfectionism
Dreams, ambitions and desire to be the best are good motivations to grow as long as you give yourself room to fail. Although nobody likes to fail. But when the fear of failure along with the desire for instant success starts obstructing a person’s growth, that is maladaptive perfectionism. Although it’s a personal mindset, the media can be held to some extend responsible for glorifying pain-free success stories; which, in reality, hardly exists!
The perfectionism trap symptoms
Perfectionism is a more common trap than you can imagine, here are some symptoms:
Procrastination – Delaying big or small plans with the intention to detail it out to perfection is a major hurdle to start.
Constant tweaking – Never satisfied with what is created, constantly finding loopholes and hence never finishing a project satisfactorily.
Scared to make mistakes – Unable to take small risks in the execution of a project and hence not moving.
Intolerance – Disqualifying others to be lesser than them in something or the other because the world is not perfect!
Hyper critical & arrogance – Constant judgement and rude behavior to show the dissatisfaction of things not being perfect. Hence having difficult time maintaining relations.
Cannot handle rejection – Hence don’t try at all! Always safe option.
Anxiousness - Unable to handle mediocrity can be a source of self-destruction.
Loneliness - Its lonely being perfect and a major cause of depression.
Give up easily - Since the expectation is to succeed perfectly in one go, if it doesn’t happen then it’s better to quit.
All or nothing thinking - Also known as straight line thinking or being very logical/analytical about everything.
There is nothing wrong with having high standards, just that don’t suffer for the same. The major reason why perfectionism is so common these days is because the way we have got used to being always rational, depending overly on our conscious part of the brain or the prefrontal cortex. Although our beliefs and patterns are managed by the subconscious part of the brain! In our modern lifestyle, very less attention goes to nurturing healthy emotional hygiene and hence installing serving believes in our subconscious minds.
Relax your standards to achieve more
Here are some practical ways to get relief from the above sufferings:
Practice awareness – Being aware of your thought patterns and tendencies will help you catch the horse before it goes out of hand. Journal them.
Feel than logic – Rather than putting unrealistic logic to prove your genius, question yourself the deeper reason on why you want to be perfect at all. I am sure, at the end most of us want to feel happy for achieving something, so make the path enjoyable too.
Schedule downtime – Scheduling downtime is not a luxury but a mandatory need to ensure the conscious mind gets rest in the daytime too. Techniques like meditation, nature walks, etc. help.
Succeed at failing – Accept this mindset as the way of life, then failure moments will bring more power than pain.
Work with deadline – That’s one of the antidotes to procrastination.
Just start – Scared to make mistakes? just do it anyways!
First draft – Don’t go full in at the first go. Start with a draft and remember first draft is always messy but at least you started and finished something.
Stop comparison – Inspiration is fine but don’t compare your first output against the masterpiece of someone who has been doing that for ages. You don’t know their progression card.
Accountability partner – Ensure someone keeps a check on your goals and enthusiasm.
Celebrate small wins – Set healthy yet challenging goals and celebrate small wins and milestones. Gratitude is the right attitude to reach the subconscious mind.
For many more articles on #emotionalintelligence, check out my profile on #linkedIn. I also give courses to corporate companies on this topic; reach me out for a virtual coffee to know more.
