The victimhood trap
I have never met a single genuine person in my life who doesn’t have a difficult story to share.
Does that surprise you? Doesn’t surprise me at least. I do agree that some traumatic events are bigger than others, but nevertheless, we all have a dim story to share. But then, why do some people succeed, some live in mediocrity and some go downhill? By success, I do not mean only outside wealth, I mean happiness within. What makes successful people turn their story into a reason to live for? Or in other words, why do rest get drowned in their own sad stories?
The answer to the last question is victimhood: The condition of having been hurt, damaged, or made to suffer, especially when you want people to feel sorry for you because of this or use it as an excuse for something.
Don’t get me wrong, many times the reason to fall into victim mentality is legitimate. But when the same story hinders you to grow beyond your comfort zone, its like a painful hamster wheel. You are stuck and cannot reach your higher potential.
In life, we all go through unwanted stories and I believe they always have a lesson to give. Unless we take the lesson, reform ourselves and move on, the same lesson is going to repeat in different forms and hence proving how pitiful the situation we are in is.
Symptoms of victimhood
Either one or more of these symptoms might indicate a person with victimhood mentality:
Living in the past – Although an emotion is a chemical reaction in our body which lives from 30 – 90 seconds, the suffering is caused by re-living/re-thinking the hurtful situation again and again. Victims tend to remember the past more often than necessary.
Lack of accountability – Not taking responsibility to get out of pit because of “it’s not my fault” mentality.
Hopelessness – The pain is so deep that the victim tends to give up easily in any possible challenging situation.
Drama – Attention seeking drama that drains energy of people around is common.
Negative attitude – Seeing the glass half empty and being judgmental is their way to go.
Self-sabotage – Negative self-talk hinders them to make a positive move.
Lack of confidence – The feeling of powerlessness and lack of trust within is a common symptom.
Bad moods – Anger, frustration and resentment are common in them.
Blame game – Victims make others responsible for their situation all the time.
Lack of motivation – No internal motivation to get out of the hamster wheel is a general tendency of victims.
Causes of victimhood
Traumatic event – Past big or small events (like betrayal or loss of job) can trigger victimhood.
Abuse – Physical, mental and emotional abuse since childhood are valid reasons to fall into this trap.
Need to manipulate – To get attention/power through pity can be a reason to behave like victim.
How to get out of the trap?
Self-empathy – This is bit more deeper from victimhood. To acknowledge the pains from whole and soul with an attitude to learn and move on is different from being a cry baby all the time.
Redefine your story – Very powerful tool used by overcomers to turn their pain into positive power.
Healthy lifestyle – Physical and mental self-care disciplines like exercise and meditation can be effective to help a victim out of trap.
Relax – Scheduling time to release tension by consciously letting go of the worries is more effective than just watching Netflix.
Affirmations – Repeating loud affirming statements across days, months and years is an effective tool to reach the subconscious believes.
Positive self-talk – The only person who can help you is you. So, turning the self-criticism into self-motivation is essential.
Movement – Physical movement is very effective tool to release emotional trauma too.
Communicate authentically - Share honest emotions without drama.
Forgiveness – A powerful tool used by overcomer to help them move on.
Build deeper connections – Having healthy honest relationships will bring happiness and positivity in life and hence you won’t be alone in a self-made trap.
