Connect over control: Level up your relations
Our relationships are the basis to live a fulfilled life. Be it with mother, teacher, friends, colleagues; they help us explore so many dimensions of our personality. We enjoy some dimensions and we dread some. The cause can be the other person’s behavior, or a part of our self is compulsive. How to break relationship patterns that are not serving you?
Identify controlling behaviors
You need to differentiate between a healthy constructive relationship and a manipulative controlling relationship. Here are some signs to check if you are in a manipulative relation:
Constant criticism: This is a tricky one to figure out in the beginning as a fair dose of critical thinking helps us to grow. But constant criticism, even in smallest of things is definitely a sign of control.
Domination: When a person tries to dominate over every conversation and sees it like a race to win over the other. Trying to prove they have a better say always.
Comparisons: When a person tries to compare you with others in order to show you are not enough, in any random category.
Invalidate feelings: When a person ridicules you and when you are hurt, they completely invalidate your feelings by saying things like – ‘you are being un-necessarily emotional’, ‘I was just joking’.
Not open to others opinion: They have strong opinions and cannot handle any opinion which is against them.
Drawing boundaries
Manipulative relations are mainly mutually created where one is narcissist, some one who needs constant outside validation, hence uses above abusive techniques and the other is a co-dependent, some one who is a people pleaser or an empath. I have written an article on how to draw emotional boundaries. Link is here.
Building self-worth as a foundation to truly connect with others
Self-worth is the single biggest reason for all the pain in the world. Did you know that as per World Health organization, depression is the leading cause for all ill health and disability? Mental health issues are deeply connected to the feeling of unworthiness within. The feeling that I don’t matter. What’s the cure?
Forgive yourself – Forgive yourself for all the stuffs that you have done, or you are beating yourself for not doing. Acknowledge and accept, this is the single most powerful medicine in the world.
Practice self-love – Take care and don’t abandon yourself when you are in emotional pain, give yourself words of affection. You deserve to treat yourself the best.
Connect with supportive people – In moments for distress, ask for help and connect only with them who are your true confidant.
Human connection is a two-way street
Times have changed. The need to connect authentically and spiritually is on high rise. This is just not applicable to your spouse or romantic partner. We want to work with authentic people, be surrounded by people who have high self-worth and connect with humans who want the same for us too and hence grow together. Here are my top three ways to connect authentically:
Listen – To hear someone without genuine judgement and understand from their shoes is the best gift you can give someone. This doesn’t include bitching or gossiping about others.
Find commonality – We all want to feel included and accepted in others world, whereas we all have different interests. But there is something as simple as living on the same planet Earth that can be a common topic to bond.
People remember how you make others feel – If you feel good inside, it’s inevitable that you will emit the same feeling onto others. So, the secret is to be happy and if the other way street is open to receive, you will make others happy too.
