Emotional endurance & drawing boundaries
Emotional endurance is the capacity to go through tough times without giving up or falling apart. Ups and downs are part of life. So, challenging times are inevitable. In fact they are very important moments of our lifetime since they help us grow and become a better person. But to make the most out of it, one of the important areas to know about is boundaries. Accordingly, you can act when in pressure, which is not the same as giving up.
Most people who have indistinct boundaries are empaths or codependents. Basically, people who like to please or help others without drawing a line on where to stop or step back on the emotional investment. Saying NO to others is very difficult for them. Although our society never teaches on how to say and accept no, so most of us don’t know where and when to draw the line and stop hurting our own selves.
Types of boundaries
Boundaries are limits that distinguish something we possess or something we stand for from others. A healthy boundary defines your space in the bigger space where all contribute.
Physical boundary – Like your body to separate you from other creatures.
Mental boundary - Like your thoughts, opinions and ideas which make you different from rest.
Emotional boundary – Ability to separate your own feelings from another’s feelings. Some examples of poor emotional boundary are:
Taking responsibility of someone else’s feelings
Letting other’s dictate how you feel
Sacrificing your own needs to please others
Blaming others for your problems
Taking ownership of other’s problems
Emotional abuse
Emotional abuse is a typical example of broken emotional boundary where one can overpower the other through manipulative behaviors. It’s more common than imaginable. I have written an article about this topic, link is here.
How to draw healthy emotional boundary?
Drawing a healthy boundary is the ability to say No with ease and grace without intending to hurt others. The intention is not to punish others but rather to protect your own energy, health and relations. Only when you have healthy energy levels then you can give and help others.
1. Stop saying YES automatically – Take conscious pauses when anyone asks your help. Have a list of standard sentences like ‘let me get back to you on this’, ‘I need time to think’, ‘I need to consult my partner before committing’. These pauses will give you chance to evaluate the option against your standards.
2. Know your standards – Now this is self-work. Knowing your core values and maintaining integrity with them will help you largely to whom to say yes or no. This also says a lot about the respect and love you give yourself. Many people don’t build such standards.
3. Communicate your boundaries – A healthy relation respects each other’s boundaries. How you share them also matters. Sharing from a place of love is not same as ego or aggressiveness. You constantly teach people how they should treat you.
4. Enforce boundaries – If a boundary is broken, it again comes back to your standards on how to deal with it. It can be difficult/impossible to break relation with family members or business partners but still how to maintain distance after they have broken your standard says a lot about how much you love yourself.
